should a super hero perish let us honor him

Lesson 105 Gods peace and joy are mine. Yes, yes, yes they are! Gods joy is mine and so is his peace. In my quest to be like God, that is to be the loving spirit he made me to be, my brother, my friends, my family my world of other loving spirits, I offer you all peace joy and prosperity. For with this action of thought I recognize Gods love and his peace and joy as my own to share and give. Just as miracles that we all bare witness to, and in blindness of our ego oftentimes fail to acknowledge. But with the ego removed in truth we find how easy it is to be the blessing and the miracle that is love. I extend love peace and joy to you all. Its totally free, I promise. It is already yours, all that im doing is bringing it to your attention to embrace the gifts that god has bestowed upon us. The higherself which I now recognize as what I am is also a gift, and I thank god for this realization. The blessings that lay undiscovered are so plentiful and more powerful and greater than any other. Those are the gifts of infinite love, forgiveness and acceptance. I appreciate the opportunity to share. For God is good and in goodness comes beauty, and happiness and humor. We are not the creator, we can only manipulate what God has already provided. There is no color that you haven’t seen, or feeling you haven’t felt. But what is true is that we can be like the creator by sharing his gifts. And by this I mean to internalize the humility of being a truly loving spirit. Having an understanding of being truly helpful and belief in our higher selves will lead us into the light that is eternal. Ive recently been recognizing miracles everyday, and it is a blessing to be able to go forward with the ability to recognize the difference of what I was doing before versus what I am doing now. Camera lights action!, the camera is the spirit housed in the body, the light is the script and the path, and action is the function to serve and do Gods will and not the will of our egos. This clarity makes me truly happy, just to be aware, and to know that this life is a gift God has given us, and to act upon our higher functions makes every previous thought, obstacle, stress and judgment were all ego illusions and seem miniscule in relation to the fact that when serving a higher function life is limitless. This is the way to becoming a super hero. Today, January 13th, I remember Mr. Arland Dean William Jr., a real life hero, who gave his life to give life so others could live. He was a 50 year old passenger aboard an airplane that crashed in the Potomac river in 1982 in DC, and before the rescue team arrived he managed to swim several survivors to safety in icy frozen waters before freezing temperatures caused his blood to freeze. No one will ever know why he did it, but I know that in this moment he was serving his higher function. Perhaps all that happened in his life led to this moment and with Gods will he was able to be a true Super Hero. I recognize Arland’s spirit for selflessness is a true path to salvation. Amen! His ability to transcend the ego, and act without fear is miraculous and a true inspiration and blessing to us all. Let us remember him for his spirit is apart of us all and with Gods peace and joy I offer you this happy thought, go about your day remembering that we are all super heroes inside following the light to guide us to salvation.

biter, bite her, bit her, bitter sweet, bitter sweat, bull shit...huh?

Studying methods to develop skills and knowledge of being other oriented has been an interesting journey. Mostly Ive identified characteristics within myself that can be modified to aid in becoming a better communicator. Recently we studied how being other oriented takes on a massive amount of effort, for some, and for others it can be as simple as just being aware of what it takes to consider the feelings and ideas of other people.

In a previous chapter I was reminded of how less is more in some cases. And that same week I encountered a friend who was dealing with an issue, and came to me to seek council. However by the end of it I discovered that not only was my opinion too overwhelming for them, but, that they really just wanted to vent. And here I thought they actually wanted advice. Lesson learned, in their case they need 24 hours to process the drama, and for others don’t bother giving advice, just be a listening ear. Further I noted that a simple tool for my development was to be a little more caring of what the person was actually experiencing and indirectly communicating by just telling their story.

Now in chapter 4 the synthesis was perfect. Social Decentering and Empathy was my clue to being an other oriented listener. I guess in a way I don’t always feel empathy when someone comes to me for advice. I do believe I show it in my general body language and present the idea of it, but I don’t always verbalize it effectively. Well at least not in the most empathetic way. My own emotional connection is sometimes blurred by the feelings I have about the individual i'm speaking with. Their circumstance and how we both define the seriousness of whatever it is their going through carries its own weight. I would think some things my colleagues make a bigger deal than it has to be, and now, I recognize that maybe it is just that big of a deal. And they don’t always need to know that my life experience has led me to have a broader view of, what’s good or bad vs. right or wrong. Although it’s never good when a person listens and responds with their conclusion of your ideas, and I think that’s what I was doing. I was aware of this before, but I didn’t care as much. Knowing is half the battle to becoming other oriented. But if you know something and don’t act on it or apply it then what’s the point anyway. And even if you don’t care you don’t have to let the other person know. Well at least if you want the relationship to last.

Ive found myself becoming less critical and more considerate. Typically I always try to find some new common ground with whomever I’m speaking with, and I’m sure they all call me because I have such a positive outlook, or at least am always looking for one. In addition I guess I always hope to bring a lighter air to some situations that people tend to add weight or stress to. I used to say things like it’s not that bad, or it could always be worse, however recognizing the importance of just going there and being with that person in the moment may actually be more helpful to both our quests for enlightenment. So I’m trying something new, by decentering my pov., and being more empathetic to the hidden need of my friends who come to me for advice. All the same, they still come back so I must have some good communication qualities, maybe because I “keep it real” and sparingly do the awe poor baby thing, though Ive found that certain personalities do take to the, here’s what I’d do in your shoes approach.

Finally  my experiences with observation of communicating in a more empathetic manner has proven to have no relevant difference as it pertains to gender, race, social class or ethnicity.

look before you leap,wish i.. saw the truth before i spoke it, think before you speak, should woulda coulda but u did anyway

Agree to disagree. If a friendship is a bond and thus a relationship, then why is it that a “relationship”, as in seeing someone is any different? Maybe because of the impression we form about the other person? To ‘like’ and ‘love’ a person, may be identified as two separate bonds. My close and unique friend D is very special to me. Since the first day we met the primary effect was wow she’s awesome! At first my intent was to leave an innocent yet lasting impression, though I had no idea of how she would perceive me. And now years later I know that she felt and still feels the same way about me. So I guess I did something right.

That first day we were introduced was just after an audition, my impression formation began, where we had both been cast as the lead roles in a feature film. I didn’t get that she was at all interested in me based on other women I had encountered with similar styles and personalities. But, as an actor it was easy to observe her body language, the way she was dressed and her smashing good looks, but I couldn’t grasp who she really was. She was playing the role of the girl who saves the guy, and in real  life I was in need of saving, so that gave me the motivation to probe her, especially since she was cast because of her likeability factors and that she was similar in some ways to the actual character. Later came the active perception, when we began to bond over the many techniques we had studied in our prior training as method actors. This was rare, because in both of our experiences, we hadn’t come across anyone who would just drop into repetition exercises during rehearsal. This exercise alone revealed a lot about her inner personality; that she was care free, fun-loving, strong and sensitive and valued her sex appeal. In repetition methods, you pick a sentence and go back and forth saying it as many different ways as possible, using actions, body language, tone of voice facial expressions and so much more. Of course you have to study it to translate them. It was truly an amazing experience.

After the shoot we were able to maintain our friendship. As it blossomed our lives indirectly began to reflect some of the character motives in the film. This is where the construct began to take hold. Where from my standpoint, what we actually knew about each other and what we had learned about each others characters merged into our separate lives. By this I mean our ideas of each other began to blur. We had begun to create ideas of one another based on our brief intimate exchanges. And it was ok. Well I was ok with it.

She made me feel comfortable, because I had already perceived her to be cool. My perception further began to unfold as she impressed me with her ability to incorporate feedback from both myself and the director, which made our scenes spectacular. Forcing an invisible bond, a trust if you will, though, in acting school they say don’t fall for the ingénue, but she would do and say things that would reassure my uncertainty.

Now years later, she’s impacted my life in a more personal yet passive way. I hear things differently, since she has a soft voice I find myself listening more carefully. When she hugs me I can always smell that scent, that I define as hers, lingering on my shirt. Believe it or not food even tastes better when I eat with her. And at this stage in my development as a human being, looking back at my life experiences and all that she’s shared with me about hers, including all that we’ve experienced together, dare I say I even see more clearly. Literally my vision is better. And in metaphor I’m more aware of my life goals as it relates to achieving them so I can have more to offer as a man. I guess she had a halo effect on my subconscious. Because now, she exists as the girl of my dreams. 

do you know this person.. i guess i got a case of the mondays

In the realm of undermining another persons ideas, validity or value within a dialogue after having let them speak, seems to me, to be a relevant common element in my workplace. As it relates to superior staff vs lower staff, I find myself constantly trying to communicate and feel like my words fall on deaf ears. Whereas the topics I choose to address are rather urgent or important, and because of the hit or miss communication format, if the idea isn’t appealing enough, specific and short enough for one boss [boss A], the other, [boss B] often requires a more dramatic, big picture type of communication and then a day or two to process the data, as she prides herself in her turtle pace. Thus boss B losing the point of urgency all together and boss A missing the purpose of the why or what.

This understanding is based on multiple work environments, experiences and completely unrelated jobs. I say this seems to be a rather important quality to the job because it’s been happening since my employment began. It is apart of the system, and even though I don’t enjoy these patterns I tend to be more self reliant, and push myself to be extra thorough. The task of communicating feels seemingly easy, however I’ve found that when dealing with disconfirming responses, one has to be creative in developing a way to decode the boss’s means for their approach to dialogue.

Boss B is more of a tangential responder. She likes to have long conversations, and even listens and responds with enthusiasm. Only, when she responds, its like, wow! Left fielder, wait a second did you hear anything I just said or the question I just asked? All of what you said was only related to the last thing you just said, before I started talking. I believe it’s a bad habit, and even worse it can often rub off on me. And I find myself mentally recording what she is saying instead of what I though to be a relevant response, make a note of it and give a supportive response to what she spoke on. Then ill refer back to my original idea later on. With hope that we can stay on target, though we usually tend to drift again. And I let her dominate the conversation because she’s the boss, then on occasion ill skip whatever she said and spin it by giving a clarifying response with my idea all over again, like uh’ yeah so back to my point… You know. It’s a trying process, but eventually I reengineer the format of my idea and try to tie it all together in one lofty rant, and that seems to work after a while. She does encourage note taking during conversation, so it’s always good after a day or two when she has time to review and reflect on the overall presentation of ideas.

With boss A, there is just no point in communicating sometimes. A represents two styles of disconfirming responses, one of which whose uncontrollable stutter, makes him an incoherent responder. The other is impersonal, where if it doesn’t relate to the job itself, or anything dealing directly with myself in relation to the job, then it’s basically not worth talking about. This experience is only awful when I spend a few more minutes that usual trying to decipher and decode the message through a stutter. And often find myself figuring out the words, and the thought even before my boss is done speaking. And forget about tuning out, because the minute you stop listening then he speaks clearly, and it would have missed the important part. I tend to directly acknowledge this boss, in the event his stutter has any affect on his self esteem. Quickly repeating what he spoke, in order to confirm that I hear it right, even when the response has no clear connection to the idea of my point. A’s format goes, me: hey boss since you working on next weeks schedule, can I put in a request for Sunday off. A: my boss, the owner, depends on me to report, and I have to run this facility. I hope the staff here appreciates having a job. People don’t realize how much work I do. Do you know how important it is that we stay at the top of the chart? In cases like this even though I see my bosses point and possible relevance to hard work, and commitment and value of weekly hours, I honestly want to say, what does that have to do with a simple yes or no, therefore I always try to find a way to stay positive and respond with minimal sarcasm.

Both jobs play an important role in creating situations for me to practice better listening. So I do and I’m appreciative and grateful to have jobsss'. If I can develop easier ways to listen and respond well I’ll be able to make all of my communication tasks easier. 

some of you just wont get this, for the rest, good job...why so serious ( like batman)

Is it possible to be an elaborate encoder? By this I mean to use an elaborated code as the base for descriptions in dialogue. That is, to convey the idea of the communicator in many ways. Where he may become redundant, in his effort to describe an idea of coding. As far as whether its possible to consciously or unconsciously use a collective of ideas of the same original reference of discovery, leading to the why, which is how the communicator uses additional ideas to support the subject, by listing alternate points of view for the listeners reference. This passage severs as an attempt to define the texts use of jargon to define elaborated code. The text bypassed the referents denotative meaning, when they wrote: “conversation that uses many words and various ways of describing an idea or concept to communicate its meaning.” As the reader I took these symbols more concrete. Though later I re-read and saw how the text explained its important to belittle the listeners intelligence.

            Even when typing it out, elaborated code is difficult. However it can be of help or failure when communicating. Like in the sentence before last, you probably thought to yourself, oh he meant ‘not to’. And there it is again. Ive enjoyed this chapter thus far, though no one person or experience has jumped out that I can best relate the ideas to.

In the last c2o0m5 class, a mate drew a picture of the difference of physical and mental association with words. How a symbol like ‘hear’ or ‘see’ can be interchanged with a referent thought  like ‘sound’ or ‘sight’.

When I relate my personal experience, the referent thought is God. Then my personal symbol is Love. With god baring a more specific denotative meaning; all knowing, high power, universe, Jesus, life, death etc.; And love being less concrete and more airy or lofty; a feeling, destiny, sensations, timing, relationships, etc.

All this really means something and nothing at the same time. Its all just an elaborated code. The Something, is because of the human mental state and reliance on symbols to communicate and trigger thoughts that seem that seem to have some purpose. The Nothing is that most symbols represent something that has no true meaning, they just are what they are, and until the human condition allows people to open their minds and see that the answer is within, they will continue to rely on “SYMBOLS” to communicate.

this isnt over until i say its over!

Howard Brown 534449

Recently a friend of mine said to me, do I annoy you, you seem like I bother you. I replied no why do you say that. Then they responded, it just seems like I bother you.

This was interesting because the person did bother me, and I’m not sure if they picked up on deliberate signs or if they were just becoming more aware of my responses to their behavior. This is an interesting story, or exchange rather, particularly because it wasn’t so much that they alone bothered me, it was just that I was bothered. Seemingly for them it was all bad, for the simple fact that anything they did or any thought I was having at the time may have triggered some sort of cue that I was only partially aware of.

It began when I realized the relationship was becoming one-sided. And my friend used their issues as a device to justify not really caring about what I had going on. Even though they would say things that made it seem like they cared, I could see that they didn’t, based on their responses and choice of topics for discussion.  I guess one thing that has always bothered me was when I try to adapt and accommodate the other person and they don’t see it and think, oh let me meet him half way. And the end result becomes, me feeling like I’m not truly connecting with that person. It’s always bad when a person who has a lot going on externally is paired with a person who has a lot going on internally, but they both view their issues as bigger than the others. You see, I don’t honestly feel or think my issues are any bigger than the next person, so I don’t walk around like they are; I just go with it and keep moving forward. But this friend, V, would always use their issues as a scape-goat to justify poor communication on their part, when I would call them out on it. Grant it, I later found out she was ‘bi polar’. Although I always felt we all have a little bipolar’ ness in us, what’s important is just how we deal with it once we know it.  The worst is when a person retreats into their syndrome and blames everything on it. In fact I know people who haven’t been diagnosed with bi polar anything, and still blame their actions on it. I’m like WTF. Can I use some common deficiency to justify my circumstance?

I say all this to say nonverbal cues are just as bad if not worse than a person actually telling you how they feel, or what their thinking. In the case of my friend V, written about earlier, we were all good in the arena of social space and electronic communication. Totally able to get each other, and when we didn’t, there were words that we’d use to bring the communication back to a common medium. Later when we began to decrease the distance and move into a more personal space, dare I say intimate, communication became tragic. In fact there was actually less verbal communication. So when something was said it was over analyzed. Its always good to be amongst company where you can both sit in silence, but awkward silence is the worst, especially when one goes to speak and then is interrupted without warning, by V, and then V’ shifts the topic, to something that is not only less interesting but remedial in comparison to the original topic. This grew to be a big turn off in our friendship.

I’ve always appreciated the value of intimate conversation, for example when your in a restaurant, and you signal to your friend to look at something, or you whisper to draw their attention to something, or, you say something that may not be appropriate, and hope to get a laugh because of its inappropriateness’, or hope to relate over the dynamic of the secrecy of it. But OMG, when a person misses those cues, it may be like the worst car crash ever.  And V had a bad habit of repeating the phrase or translating the cue aloud. And I know it doesn’t matter what people think, and the odds of seeing a person in a restaurant in a major city again are slim, but it defeats the purpose when you don’t have a little consideration for the fact that maybe I was whispering for a reason. Then again I could just be giving the idea of ‘common sense’ too much credit.  It could be my mistake by assuming she would get it. Uh Yeah, but after a few time it gets old, and things that would be fun become bothersome, 1. Because you feel like you can’t connect, 2. Because you feel like your communication is poor, 3. Well three doesn’t matter by then because you’re already to far gone in worry and in trying to figure a way to make it work. And that’s work in itself.

The other cues may have been guided by my very own intimate thoughts. With my imagination wandering about when I was married, I wasn’t hanging out very often with friends, let alone female friends, and how my wife and I just had that cue thing on lock. Poor communication in other ways, but as far as nonverbal cues in personal space, we were like magic. Though that didn’t last long, I learned that it is something that is important to me in relationships in general. Just being able to communicate without words and or deliberately using my words in relation to body language to communicate are key in how I relate to others. When I was a kid this was often used amongst my family, male and female, and we all just got it;  giving each other the eye’, or moving in a way that resembled a word or person.. It just worked, and it works for me. So now when I look at people like V’ I have less patience when it comes to those forms of communication. Either you get it or you don’t... don’t come asking me to explain it, no it’s too late. You know. 

Like randomly on 11/11/11, my father, my aunt and I were driving and my dad and I both saw a shooting star, at the very same time… literally, and we went whoa! It was truly amazing. And my aunt missed it, there was only one way to describe a shooting star... and you saw it or you didn’t. There was no denying that both my father and I saw it because we had the same reaction at the same time. And in such a small space we knew without having to say anything.

The relevance is, sometimes I find it hard to understand how people don’t care about their surroundings, and aren’t aware of what’s going on outside of their own heads. I mean how does one become a better human if you never challenge yourself or your thoughts? V may have been a bad reference but I think when you meet an honest person they are easy to read and an introvert or a liar make the world of communication more complicated than it has to be, because they only worry about themselves. And in the case of V and I, I'm happy her verbal communication helped me bring light to the possible ways I may indirectly show non verbal communication without being aware or how it could be translated.

the 4.0 man

Howard Brown 534449

As we come to the end of this quarter, I find irony in the fact that this ‘end’ symbolizes a new beginning. Just as this chapter reminds me of a current transition in my life, it also symbolizes an end and new or different beginning in my relationships. Through this reading I've found that conflict management was a subject I wish was a common course taught in life, or at least in general education studies. Just as communication is one of those skills you learn as you go through life, managing conflicts is often only addressed after you’ve had one or witnessed an incident. With out prior training, I would often find myself confused, disturbed, upset and even angry. I would live in fear of conflict, because of the frustrations that could arise from either party after a conflict or just before one, knowing what the outcome could be. Having an understanding of why one would put themselves through those situations has become an important part of recognizing mistakes that I’ve made in efforts to communicate. Although it never made never made much sense before, a wise woman once told me an old saying, ‘don’t fix what ain’t broken, and if u haven’t got the tools, quit while your ahead and hire somebody else to do it’. This was one of those ‘WTF’ does that mean’ sayings, but it became more clear as I realized that the base of conflict is one person doing something or doing nothing.

In recent experiences I have identified moments where interpersonal conflict became a huge barrier in my late marriage. Often times figuring out how communication and progress within intimate relationships can be difficult if one person, (one truly meaning both) is not willing to give into the need of the other. And that’s the crazy part; when you have two people who want the same thing but need it in different ways or at different times. Communicating what you need can be easy and hard at the same time. You see, in my experience it was easy for the conflict to result in a destructive manner. Dealing with an individual who made it impossible to satisfy their need, or so it seemed. Basically, it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, they would find a way around identifying the appreciation factor in receiving. As in just being appreciative that someone cared about meeting their needs. Then there was the harshness of time.

When dealing with an irrational individual it’s nearly impossible to meet their standards. I say nearly because sometimes, like one in a million, it happens, however often times it doesn’t; like in he case of my late marriage, there were to many external influences that factored into the initial conflicts. For example, finances, baggage, esteem, faith, courage and motivation. When a minor issue is viewed as forever to one, and to the other is seen as a temporary stepping stone, or when a particular happening or change is seen as a block, and the other sees it as a bridge there will always be some sort of interpersonal conflict. And as hard as you try communicating or convincing your partner, that will become another sort of obstacle or barrier, because of the weight each person puts on the future and the present.

The way I see it now, life is full of obstacles and conflicts. Choosing to view it that way is up to you. Although that doesn’t change the fact that conflict exists, it’s important to have a positive outlook when encountering a potential conflict or person who you know may not hold your point of view to such a high esteem as their own. Simply put, be - willing; be willing to share your moment, and practice embracing others, so as to not be the burden of their abrasiveness or rudeness.  

In order to avoid a ‘conflict’ becoming your means to an end, I believe its important to carry this, as a motto: in the back of your mind as you go through life receiving data that can be manipulated or processed as conflicting, remember to listen with an open ear, try to understand as much as possible and place your feelings in a clear distance, as to not live in fear or be too prideful, but, carry caution on your sleeve as you proceed.