the 4.0 man

Howard Brown 534449

As we come to the end of this quarter, I find irony in the fact that this ‘end’ symbolizes a new beginning. Just as this chapter reminds me of a current transition in my life, it also symbolizes an end and new or different beginning in my relationships. Through this reading I've found that conflict management was a subject I wish was a common course taught in life, or at least in general education studies. Just as communication is one of those skills you learn as you go through life, managing conflicts is often only addressed after you’ve had one or witnessed an incident. With out prior training, I would often find myself confused, disturbed, upset and even angry. I would live in fear of conflict, because of the frustrations that could arise from either party after a conflict or just before one, knowing what the outcome could be. Having an understanding of why one would put themselves through those situations has become an important part of recognizing mistakes that I’ve made in efforts to communicate. Although it never made never made much sense before, a wise woman once told me an old saying, ‘don’t fix what ain’t broken, and if u haven’t got the tools, quit while your ahead and hire somebody else to do it’. This was one of those ‘WTF’ does that mean’ sayings, but it became more clear as I realized that the base of conflict is one person doing something or doing nothing.

In recent experiences I have identified moments where interpersonal conflict became a huge barrier in my late marriage. Often times figuring out how communication and progress within intimate relationships can be difficult if one person, (one truly meaning both) is not willing to give into the need of the other. And that’s the crazy part; when you have two people who want the same thing but need it in different ways or at different times. Communicating what you need can be easy and hard at the same time. You see, in my experience it was easy for the conflict to result in a destructive manner. Dealing with an individual who made it impossible to satisfy their need, or so it seemed. Basically, it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, they would find a way around identifying the appreciation factor in receiving. As in just being appreciative that someone cared about meeting their needs. Then there was the harshness of time.

When dealing with an irrational individual it’s nearly impossible to meet their standards. I say nearly because sometimes, like one in a million, it happens, however often times it doesn’t; like in he case of my late marriage, there were to many external influences that factored into the initial conflicts. For example, finances, baggage, esteem, faith, courage and motivation. When a minor issue is viewed as forever to one, and to the other is seen as a temporary stepping stone, or when a particular happening or change is seen as a block, and the other sees it as a bridge there will always be some sort of interpersonal conflict. And as hard as you try communicating or convincing your partner, that will become another sort of obstacle or barrier, because of the weight each person puts on the future and the present.

The way I see it now, life is full of obstacles and conflicts. Choosing to view it that way is up to you. Although that doesn’t change the fact that conflict exists, it’s important to have a positive outlook when encountering a potential conflict or person who you know may not hold your point of view to such a high esteem as their own. Simply put, be - willing; be willing to share your moment, and practice embracing others, so as to not be the burden of their abrasiveness or rudeness.  

In order to avoid a ‘conflict’ becoming your means to an end, I believe its important to carry this, as a motto: in the back of your mind as you go through life receiving data that can be manipulated or processed as conflicting, remember to listen with an open ear, try to understand as much as possible and place your feelings in a clear distance, as to not live in fear or be too prideful, but, carry caution on your sleeve as you proceed.