Studying methods to develop skills and knowledge of being other oriented has been an interesting journey. Mostly Ive identified characteristics within myself that can be modified to aid in becoming a better communicator. Recently we studied how being other oriented takes on a massive amount of effort, for some, and for others it can be as simple as just being aware of what it takes to consider the feelings and ideas of other people.
In a previous chapter I was reminded of how less is more in some cases. And that same week I encountered a friend who was dealing with an issue, and came to me to seek council. However by the end of it I discovered that not only was my opinion too overwhelming for them, but, that they really just wanted to vent. And here I thought they actually wanted advice. Lesson learned, in their case they need 24 hours to process the drama, and for others don’t bother giving advice, just be a listening ear. Further I noted that a simple tool for my development was to be a little more caring of what the person was actually experiencing and indirectly communicating by just telling their story.
Now in chapter 4 the synthesis was perfect. Social Decentering and Empathy was my clue to being an other oriented listener. I guess in a way I don’t always feel empathy when someone comes to me for advice. I do believe I show it in my general body language and present the idea of it, but I don’t always verbalize it effectively. Well at least not in the most empathetic way. My own emotional connection is sometimes blurred by the feelings I have about the individual i'm speaking with. Their circumstance and how we both define the seriousness of whatever it is their going through carries its own weight. I would think some things my colleagues make a bigger deal than it has to be, and now, I recognize that maybe it is just that big of a deal. And they don’t always need to know that my life experience has led me to have a broader view of, what’s good or bad vs. right or wrong. Although it’s never good when a person listens and responds with their conclusion of your ideas, and I think that’s what I was doing. I was aware of this before, but I didn’t care as much. Knowing is half the battle to becoming other oriented. But if you know something and don’t act on it or apply it then what’s the point anyway. And even if you don’t care you don’t have to let the other person know. Well at least if you want the relationship to last.
Ive found myself becoming less critical and more considerate. Typically I always try to find some new common ground with whomever I’m speaking with, and I’m sure they all call me because I have such a positive outlook, or at least am always looking for one. In addition I guess I always hope to bring a lighter air to some situations that people tend to add weight or stress to. I used to say things like it’s not that bad, or it could always be worse, however recognizing the importance of just going there and being with that person in the moment may actually be more helpful to both our quests for enlightenment. So I’m trying something new, by decentering my pov., and being more empathetic to the hidden need of my friends who come to me for advice. All the same, they still come back so I must have some good communication qualities, maybe because I “keep it real” and sparingly do the awe poor baby thing, though Ive found that certain personalities do take to the, here’s what I’d do in your shoes approach.
Finally my experiences with observation of communicating in a more empathetic manner has proven to have no relevant difference as it pertains to gender, race, social class or ethnicity.
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