Agree to disagree. If a friendship is a bond and thus a relationship, then why is it that a “relationship”, as in seeing someone is any different? Maybe because of the impression we form about the other person? To ‘like’ and ‘love’ a person, may be identified as two separate bonds. My close and unique friend D is very special to me. Since the first day we met the primary effect was wow she’s awesome! At first my intent was to leave an innocent yet lasting impression, though I had no idea of how she would perceive me. And now years later I know that she felt and still feels the same way about me. So I guess I did something right.
That first day we were introduced was just after an audition, my impression formation began, where we had both been cast as the lead roles in a feature film. I didn’t get that she was at all interested in me based on other women I had encountered with similar styles and personalities. But, as an actor it was easy to observe her body language, the way she was dressed and her smashing good looks, but I couldn’t grasp who she really was. She was playing the role of the girl who saves the guy, and in real life I was in need of saving, so that gave me the motivation to probe her, especially since she was cast because of her likeability factors and that she was similar in some ways to the actual character. Later came the active perception, when we began to bond over the many techniques we had studied in our prior training as method actors. This was rare, because in both of our experiences, we hadn’t come across anyone who would just drop into repetition exercises during rehearsal. This exercise alone revealed a lot about her inner personality; that she was care free, fun-loving, strong and sensitive and valued her sex appeal. In repetition methods, you pick a sentence and go back and forth saying it as many different ways as possible, using actions, body language, tone of voice facial expressions and so much more. Of course you have to study it to translate them. It was truly an amazing experience.
After the shoot we were able to maintain our friendship. As it blossomed our lives indirectly began to reflect some of the character motives in the film. This is where the construct began to take hold. Where from my standpoint, what we actually knew about each other and what we had learned about each others characters merged into our separate lives. By this I mean our ideas of each other began to blur. We had begun to create ideas of one another based on our brief intimate exchanges. And it was ok. Well I was ok with it.
She made me feel comfortable, because I had already perceived her to be cool. My perception further began to unfold as she impressed me with her ability to incorporate feedback from both myself and the director, which made our scenes spectacular. Forcing an invisible bond, a trust if you will, though, in acting school they say don’t fall for the ingénue, but she would do and say things that would reassure my uncertainty.
Now years later, she’s impacted my life in a more personal yet passive way. I hear things differently, since she has a soft voice I find myself listening more carefully. When she hugs me I can always smell that scent, that I define as hers, lingering on my shirt. Believe it or not food even tastes better when I eat with her. And at this stage in my development as a human being, looking back at my life experiences and all that she’s shared with me about hers, including all that we’ve experienced together, dare I say I even see more clearly. Literally my vision is better. And in metaphor I’m more aware of my life goals as it relates to achieving them so I can have more to offer as a man. I guess she had a halo effect on my subconscious. Because now, she exists as the girl of my dreams.
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